Split With Captain Three Leg

by Chachi On Acid



released June 27, 2016

Tracks 1-18 = Captain Three Leg

Recorded July 6th, 2014 on a Fostex XR-7 Multitracker with additional overdubs done on Reaper over the next few months. Vocals recorded November 10th, 2014 on a different 4-track machine.

All songs written by Captain Three Leg / all lyrics by Food Fortunata with the exception of #9, 10 + 11 (Black Magic) and #15 (The Bill Basset Band).

Andy – Guitar + Bass
Brian – Drums
Food – Vocals

Tracks 19 - 28 = Chachi On Acid

Nipples-Vocals, Guitars
Jumbo-Bass, Vocals
Heath-Drums, Vocals

Other instruments played by the same people.

Recorded 2014 by Chris Colvin at Studio A in Kitchener, Ontario.
Mixed at the same place, but in 2016, by Nipples and Chris.


Cover art by Tom Kemp.

Released as a 6 panel digipack CD-R on Karyeeye Tapes in a limited edition of 150 copies.


released June 29, 2016



all rights reserved
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Hold My Care Bear
Punch me in the face with an atom bomb
Blow off my head with Vietnam
I want you die, I want me die more
My brain needs to be karate kicked with your axe
You told me that I needed to hold my Care Bear
so that I would feel much better
Stab out my leg with a nuclear gun
Explode my guts with lazer cannon slice
Chop off my hair with violent saw
Extract vanilla from the bowels of the Earth
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Coated With Your Stool
Coin-operated teeth and mashed potatoes always mystify Job
Teddy took a dump and wiped his ass with a globe
Clark bars and celery sticks for lunch every day at noon
Jerry Garcia was cookin’ up a slam in a rusty old spoon
You tried to save the butterflies
You looked like such a fool
The front of your Mötley Crüe t-shirt
was coated in your stool
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Cop Mom
Your mom is a cop and I think that is sad
She beats up the puppies when she is mad
Poison is deadly, so is your mom
She pounds on your face like a nuclear bomb
Your stupid mom cop can fuck fuck fuck...fuck the fuck off
My mom used to be a cop too
She loved shooting crackheads and she loved sniffing glue
But at least she grew up now and quit that dumb job
She hangs out on the street selling corn on the cob
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Don't Step In It
My piss froze solid at the library
You smell like a bucket and your teeth are scary
The chunky sound of war rings in our ears
Forget all about that and just drink 50 beers
Music gushes out of my head
And forms a puddle on the ground
If you don't want to step in it
You'd better not hang around
I'm fed up with applesauce cake
We watched TV and then we drowned in the lake
Circus performers tried to kill a small dog
Instead of just dying, we went out for a jog
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - I Can't See Grandma
I can see your hair
I can't see your teeth
The universe is godawful stupid
But Golum will floss your teeth for you
I can see your eye
I can't see your spleen
Davey and Goliath won an award
for being the cartoon most like an enema
I can see Utah
I can't see your face
Aladdin and his magic lamp got doped up on LSD
His arm dislocated and attacked a marine
Portly officer of the law crawled down from the mountain
Chuck E Cheese was caught in the act of peeing in the fountain
I can't see grandma
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Cram a Pinecone
I want to be forced to eat a frog
I want someone to shove it in my face
And mash my jaw up and down
With their clumsy hands so I chew it up
Cram a pine cone in my ear and
Press it with an iron into my brain
Until I can concentrate on an image of a prickly pear
in the National Geographic magazine
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Stylish Facial Hair
He grew his powerful mustache for a reason
He calls it magic, they call it treason
Doctor Winky led the rebellion with his stylish facial hair
The elders understood the catastrophic effect
When shaving implement meets face and neck
The world cannot possibly be changed by the clean shaven
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Superman's Boogers
No one is impressed by your shirt or your pants
If you really want to impress us, then learn how to dance
Or get good with archery or puking or French
Learn how to floss with a hat or a fucking wrench
Superman's boogers are highly toxic to gerbils
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Toilet Water
(Black Magic cover)
Track Name: Captain Three leg - Numbers
(Black Magic cover)
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - F.F.A.
(Black Magic cover)
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Billiard Ball the Shape of Kansas
My legs were broken by the Space Needle
When it fell on my face
In the bottom of the ocean
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - The Literary Business is My Business
The Bible is the dumbest book that I've ever seen
There's not even a picture on the cover
If you want somebody to read your damn book
You should slap on a picture of Danny Glover
The literary business is my business
And I am the best
I'm the most powerful literary agent that you've ever seen
The dictionary is set up all dumb
They should have put all the swear words first
Plus there should be a whole section on punk bands
How many times have I told you
Curious George should have been an eagle - not a monkey
Now go rewrite the start of the Bible
That part of the book is really junky
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - An Entire Grape
I looked at a postcard
And god was shaped like an ostrich
The concern I felt for mankind
Was erased when the newspaper came
Bob Hope should never have been famous
Because nothing he ever said was the least bit clever
But at least he was able to overthrow the
King of Amsterdam
I'm going to make you cry now by describing
the most recent time I went to the grocery store
I wish I could eat an entire grape!
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Baggage
(Bill Basset Band cover)
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Colonized
Nothing matters any more
Outer space has been colonized
by the ghost of Mussolini
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Crapping On The Go
Burping up a sausage
Taking down the lights
Tearing off my own ear
Telling mom goodnight
after everyone else has died
Q-Bert is a mystery
Everybody says so
Carve another soap sculpture
Crapping on the go
like we have no testicles left
What else do you want from me?
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Armless Soothsayer
Track Name: Belsen Was a Gas
(Sex Pistols Cover)